i need like ten puppies, a hot chocolate, and a hundred thousand dollars
[job interviewer voice] we found naked pictures of you during a quick google search for your name and we wish to inform you…… that your bod is slammin’ 10/10 you’re hired see you monday
when I was shopping today with my mom, we ran into one of her ex-coworkers and he introduced himself and shook my hand and was really friendly
and he and mom talked for a bit, and then after he walked away, my mom said
”He got fired because he killed three people.”
and I was kinda spooked for like the next 5 minutes until I remembered my mom is a surgeon
Reasons To Be Happy:
- Dead trees still stand and so can you.
- You have five fingers on each hand. One day those fingers will travel from your lap to someone else’s and that person will know all the bad stuff and still want to kiss you.
- Seasons are guaranteed when nothing else seems to be.
becoming older than 10 years old was the biggest mistake of my life
people who can draw a star without having crossing lines in the middle really have their life together